On this pages I offer insight into some of the more prominent and persistent myths that continue to spread among the young and single as well as among the more mature and married social circles.

MYTH: Women need and want a man to take care of them.

REALITY: Today’s Black woman, at least many of them, feels that she can take care of herself. What women want is a man who can be their soul mate, their best friend, their lover and their partner. Today, women are making and managing their own money. They are buying condominiums and houses and making other investments. After many years of being single and independent, they have proven that they can take care of themselves (even though their mothers might see things differently).
Women have higher expectations of mates and relationships. They want romance, intimacy, good sex. They want a man who is witty, versatile and considerate. They want the men in their lives to listen to them, to talk to them and to share with them. They don’t want to continue to be the object of the Black man’s anger with the system. They want a mate with whom they can overcome those and other hurdles, together.

Today’s Black woman wants a mate who can be her partner, not her caretaker. She wants a marriage that is a partnership, not one in which the man is the CEO/decision-maker and she is expected to carry out the orders. “I want a relationship in which there is equality,” says a 27-year-old law school graduate in Detroit. “I want a partner who has equal responsibility for our economic and social. well-being and for household duties.”

This young woman says she and her peers want men who can bring something to the table other than sex. They want partners who also have jobs and careers, a mate with whom they can build and share a future. They aren’t fond of the idea of taking care of a man.

MYTH: Women are difficult to communicate with.

REALITY: Women want their men to talk to them, to communicate their feelings, desires, dreams, dislikes and concerns. Women are easy to talk to, and almost any setting will work–while watching sports, when taking a walk or riding in the car. Before sex, during sex, after sex. So many men clam up and are not forthcoming, women say. When they have problems, they often shut out the woman who loves them when actually she might be the easiest person in the world to talk with.

MYTH: Women don’t really enjoy sex.

REALITY: Women enjoy sex as much as men do. Perhaps even more so. Women not only enjoy sex, says family therapist Audrey Chapman, but they look forward to the ultimate in the sexual act, the climax, just as much as men do, if not more. “Women are capable of having multiple orgasms,” Chapman points out. “They enjoy good sex.”

What they don’t enjoy, Chapman and other therapists say, is sex with a man who is not sensitive to their needs, a man who has the antiquated notion that sex equals penile penetration. For most women, that couldn’t be farther from the truth. “Women have sex to make love,” says Chapman. “They want to be cuddled and held and kissed and played with, and they want very involved, passionate foreplay. They don’t just want intercourse. Women complain about this all the time.”

MYTH: The only way for a woman to have an orgasm is through sexual intercourse.

REALITY: A great percentage of women experience orgasm through clitoral stimulation, as indicated in numerous studies on women’s sexuality. Some female counselors say that men don’t seem to want to accept and acknowledge this fact, perhaps because, as Audrey Chapman points out, “If women can reach orgasm without a man and his penis, that is a threat to many men.” But for the most part, women aren’t interested in sex without men. Rather, they want the men in the lives to be aware of and sensitive to their sexual needs.

MYTH: Marriage gives a man license to demand sex anytime, anyplace, regardless of his wife’s feelings.

REALITY: No man, husband or not, has the right to demand sex from a woman. Forced sex is rape. But even when the sex isn’t necessarily forced, often the desire for intimacy is nullified when a man demands sex from his mate. Today’s Black woman doesn’t take demands very well. Even when she complies with her husband’s wishes, it is done without passion and enjoyment. Therapist Chapman says that when men demand sex, women often do it out of a feeling of obligation. “Some women feel that when they are married, they don’t have the option of saying no,” adds Chapman. “That makes sex stale. There’s no excitement, no fun.”

MYTH: Every woman is looking for a husband.

REALITY: Sure, most women still want to have a close encounter with Mr. Right, and perhaps join him at the altar. However, the perception that every woman views single men, regardless of other factors, as a potential mate is pure bull. Young women in their 20s don’t feel the pressure that their mothers did to get married and settle down early. And today, many women in their 30s and 40s, whether never-married or divorced, don’t feel that kind of pressure either.

Women are not necessarily looking for a husband, says Joyce Hamilton Berry, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and couples therapist. “No, we are looking for companions. We want someone to have fun with, to exchange ideas with.”

Women today realize that you don’t have to be married to to have a fulfilled life. While some women continue to complain of not being able to connect with a suitable specimen of the opposite sex, many have no problems meeting and dating new and interesting men. And they like to keep their options open while maintaining independence. They have jobs and careers and professions and find fulfillment in other areas of their lives as well.

MYTH: The only people who use a dating service are desperate, old or unattractive.

REALITY: Anyone who uses a dating service, be they man or woman, is simply exercising another option to connect with compatible people. Princess M. Cooper, founder of Soul Mates Dating and Events Planning in Los Angeles, says the myth persists that dating services are only for unattractive people who can’t find anybody. But that is not the case. “In fact, we have a variety of clients, including models, police officers, professionals and executives with entertainment companies who use our service,” she says.

MYTH: Women expect and are waiting for men to buy them fur coats and diamonds and to escort them on worldwide adventures.

REALITY: While most women can appreciate a luxurious gift from a lover or husband, today’s new Black woman, especially those among the young professional set, is not putting off life’s pleasures and luxuries while waiting and hoping that a man will come along and provide them. Today’s woman works and saves her money and buys her own fur coat, her own jewelry. When the mood strikes her, she might take a cruise to the islands, hop a plane to Europe, travel to Africa to find her roots and while there take a safari, or she might venture to the Black cultural mecca of Bahia in Brazil. Make no mistake now: Women welcome gifts and luxuries from the special men in their lives, and nothing pleases them more than to share an exotic vacation with the man they love. But, as Dr. Berry points out, women today also are more realistic. They realize that many great men “cannot afford to carry us on their backs.” They are willing to go dutch–pay their own way to the Caribbean so the two can share a romantic getaway.

MYTH: All women of the ’90s are free and liberal in their views on sex.

REALITY: Many young women, as well as more mature ones, are conservative about sex. Women vary in sexual appetite and practices just as they vary in personalities and experiences. Therapist Audrey Chapman says that women’s attitudes about sex are shaped by social experiences, religious ethics and family values, the same factors that influence men’s sexual outlook. And a woman who is conservative about sex is not necessarily a prude. She has desires and enjoys sex just as much as any other woman.

MYTH: Today’s Black woman doesn’t want men to open doors for them.

REALITY: Women today, like women of yesteryear, appreciate a man with manners, and a man with manners opens doors for women and treats them with politeness and respect, just as his counterpart from past generations. Etiquette is not a fad. It is not here today and gone tomorrow. It is still appropriate for people to say “thank you” and “please,” just as it is still appropriate for men to open doors, pull our chairs and carry luggage or heavy packages for women. However, if a woman expresses otherwise, then follow her wishes. In these ever-changing times, there are a handful of women who prefer that a man not extend these courtesies.

MYTH: Black women have given up on Black men and are going over to the other side.

REALITY: Most Black women want to connect with a Brother who loves and respects them for being just what they are: beautiful women, in spirit, in substance and in appearance. While it is true that more Black women than ever are dating and marrying men of other ethnicities, the number does not by any means compare to the. number of Black men who are dating and marrying women of other races. According to recent figures, interracial marriages make up about 2 percent of all marriages. There are about 200,000 marriages between Black men and White women, and about 100,000 marriages between Black women and White men.
Gail E. Wyatt, Ph.D., a psychologist, author and sex therapist at UCLA, says it is natural for Black women to date men of other ethnicities because there simply are not enough marriageable Black men. “The desire to be in a committed relationship is as powerful as ever, and the options for Black women are limited,” she says. “You find that many Black women in institutions of higher education who are more likely to come into contact with other groups are dating men in other groups. Finding a life partner is far more important to them than finding someone in their own race.”

Source : http://findarticles.com